Confidence Is…Nona Ogunsula

“Don't project your insecurities onto someone else. Maybe it's not that they think they are too this or that, it's that you're uncomfortable with who they are and what they represent.”

—Nona O., Founder, womenatliberty.com & Women Making History

I saw a television show this weekend where a group of women attacked and disliked another woman because her aproach to life and values were different than theirs. "She thinks she's too good for us. She's too quiet. She doesn't hang out with us all the time. She's a goody two-shoes." They felt this way because she did not like the same things they liked. She expressed opinions that were different from the group's opinions. So, naturally she became a target.

As adults, we have to be careful that we don't go through life constantly playing middle school games. Let people be who they are. That's a sign of maturity. If you are uncomfortable with who they are, check yourself first. Have the courage to do this as an individual away from the group. It maybe that her example will help you find the confidence to be more of who you really want to be rather than always fit the questionable expectations of the group.

#LeadershipTuesdays: Have Confidence…Rosalynn Carter

“If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can't accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.”

—Rosalynn Carter

On Tuesdays, womenatliberty.com presents #LeadershipTuesdays, a platform for a variety of voices and resources to develop, encourage and strengthen women leaders. Today we feature a practical quote on confidence from former First Lady Rosalynn Carter and a resource written by leadership expert and motivational speaker, Brian Tracy.

The article, “How to Be a Confident Leader in Uncertain Situations”, provides helpful insight how you can build self confidence and make better decisions for yourself and your team. One thing that you have to be comfortable with is that you do not know everything and you will make mistakes sometimes. Everybody does. What is important is that you can admit your failures and move forward.

Lastly, I was thinking about this just yesterday. One of the most important things you can do and also teach your children is this: know what your values are and then live a life that is consistent with your values. Your values are the foundation for your entire life. Consistently living your values builds confidence and makes you a better leader.

For more information on #LeadershipTuesdays, check us out and follow us on Twitter: @LeadershipTues.

Nona Ogunsula, Founder, womenatliberty.com

#LeadershipTuesdays: You Have What ItTakes...Tyra Banks

“You have what it takes to be a victorious, independent, fearless woman.” 

—Tyra Banks

Joshua Abner

Every other Tuesday, womenatliberty.com provides a platform for a variety of voices and resources to develop, encourage, and strengthen women leaders. Today a Forbes article on building self-confidence in your team is featured. I heard this analogy some time ago: the seed has the potential within itself to become a beautiful flower; it just needs to be planted, cultivated and watered. What would the world be if every leader or coach tried their best to build self-confidence in their teams by first teaching them that they have within themselves the potential to excel and then secondly, leading them by the example, “Be. Do. Say.”?

Some believe that the way to build a great team or person is by tearing individuals down and building them to the leader’s or organization’s fashion. That’s passé or old school. When you know better, you should do better. Part of being a leader is your ability to ‘lead by example’ and then cultivate leaders around you. You should not desire to build clones, but people who believe in themselves and their teammates.

Our organizations and schools are better off when they start with the notion that this person I’m leading or coaching has something to offer and my job is to not only get them to do the job at hand but to also help them prepare for new opportunities by building self-confidence in them. Maybe they need more training or maybe I need to give them an assignment and spend some time coaching them on preparation and presentation. That’s part of being a leader.

If you desire to be a great leader and one who knows how to build self-confidence in their team members, check out today’s resource, “How Great Leaders Bring Out Others’ Self-Confidence”, on the @LeadershipTues Twitter timeline. For more information on #LeadershipTuesdays, check us out on Twitter: @LeadershipTues. Happy Women’s History Month!!

Confidence Is Everything...Ciara

“Confidence is everything. Confidence is what makes that simple white tee and jeans look good.” 

—Ciara Princess Harris Wilson 

(August 24, 2016 - Source: Ari Perilstein/
Getty Images North America)

Stay Positive...Germany Kent

"Convince yourself everyday that you are worthy of a good life. Let go of stress, breathe. Stay positive, all is well."

--Germany Kent

You're Born Worthy...Viola Davis

"There's no prerequisites to worthiness. You're born worthy, and I think that's a message a lot of women need hear."

--Viola Davis, 75th Golden Globes

My Lift Is A Gift...S.J. Scott

"My life is a gift. I will use this gift with confidence, joy and exuberance."

--S.J. Scott

Do Your Thing...Tina Fey

"Don't waste your energy trying to change opinions ... do your thing, and don't care if they like it." 

--Tina Fey

I Am Divinely Purposed...Rebekah Borucki

"I am love. I am purpose. I was made with divine intention."

--Rebekah Borucki

You Are Courageous. You Are Great!...Sheri Dew

https://flic.kr/p/dF2jCA

"Noble and great. Courageous and determined. Faithful and fearless. That is who you are and who you have always been. And understanding it can change your life, because this knowledge carries a confidence that cannot be duplicated any other way."

--Sheri L. Dew

After all the disappontments, all the mistakes, and bricks that were thrown at you, the fact that you are still here and you continue to get up everyday and do what you got to do is courageous and amazing. You could have given up. So many want you to. But you decided you would not take the easy way out. 

No matter what the negative voices say, tell yourself: 

• I am a great person and I'm getting better. 
• I am worthy of happiness and love.
• I will not let fear take hold of me and direct my life.
• I am confident.
• I deserve respect.
• I am beautiful.

Beauty, Distinctive and Uncommon...Yvonne Pierre

"The enemy uses those things [you are] insecure about. Free yourself and take your power back by being secure in who you are - flaws and all."

--Yvonne Pierre, The Day My Soul Cried: A Memoir
___________________

Beauty starts in the soul, deep in the soul. Cultivate its seeds there and it will blossom from its dark place into distintive and uncommon magnificence. 

Believe...Isa Zapata

"The more you believe in yourself, the more the world believes in you!"

--Isa Zapata

So, find a mirror or turn on the camera in your phone, look into it and repeat these words: "I believe in you."

Confidence over Insecurity

Don't project your insecurities onto someone else. Maybe it's not that they think they are too this or that, it's that you're uncomfortable with who they are and what they represent.

I saw a television show this weekend where a group of women attacked and disliked another woman because her aproach to life and values were different than theirs. "She thinks she's too good for us. She's too quiet. She doesn't hang out with us all the time. She's a goody two-shoes." They felt this way because she did not like the same things they liked. She expressed opinions that were different from the group's opinions. So, naturally she became a target.

As adults and women, we have to be careful that we don't go through life constantly playing middle school games. Let people be who they are. That's a sign of maturity. If you are uncomfortable with who they are, check yourself first. Have the courage to do this as an individual away from the group. It maybe that her example will help you find the confidence to be more of who you really want to be rather than always fitting into the questionable expectations of the group.

Just Shine

"Don't try to dim her light with negavity and lies. Just turn up your shine with preparation and truth! Trim your own fire and shine."

Conquering Fear Through Action...Dale Carnegie

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

--Dale Carnegie

The Double-Edged Sword: Being Confident

“What’s wrong with being, what’s wrong with being
What’s wrong with being confident?

What’s wrong with being, what’s wrong with being
What’s wrong with being confident?
 
So you say I’m complicated
But you’ve had me underrated”

--Demi Lovato (as perfomed by), lyrics from song, “Confident”

For women, being confident is a double-edged sword. Some people may view you as smart and self-assured, while others may perceive you as a know it all and cocky. One thing is for sure, judging someone’s confidence is subjective. Just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, someone’s negative opinion of your level of confidence may really be a function of their cultural paradigm of how a woman should act and conduct herself and where her place is or should be in society.

Confident women tend to be viewed negatively in society. So it’s not surprising that women would give themselves a lower score when assessing leadership skills and management abilities as compared to how men perceive themselves in the same areas. According to the 2015 report from Development Dimensions International (DDI), “Ready-Now Leaders: Cultivating Women in Leadership to Meet Tomorrow’s Business Challenges”:

“One of the few significant differences between the sexes was level of confidence. Men considered themselves more effective as leaders. This self-confidence is reflected in how highly they rated their leadership skills and ability to tackle management and business challenges. Women, on the other hand, were less likely to rate themselves as highly effective leaders compared to their peers…"

If you are a woman, I know that you can relate to that quote. How many times have you had conversations with your girlfriends or significant other about whether you were good enough to take on a new assignment? Or if we go back to school days, we can all remember talking to our friends about whether we had what it took to try out for the basketball team, audition for the lead in the school choir, or run for a class president or any school leadership position. I would bet anyone $1 million dollars that one of the phrases you would hear in any of the above scenarios is, “I don’t know whether I’m good enough”. And while a bit of self-doubt is healthy, you have to know that your male counterparts are not saying the same things about themselves to their friends.

In Sheryl Sandberg’s book, “Lean In”, she described a situation where she and her Harvard roommate, Carrie, who were seniors, and her younger brother, David (a sophomore), took a European intellectual history class together. Carrie was considered a subject matter expert in the class because of her major. She attended all of the classes and read all of the reading assignments in the “original” languages. Sheryl attended most of the classes and read all of the readings in English while her brother only went to two classes and read one book. When it was time to take the final exam, David went to the girls to be tutored. After taking the three hour test, the girls walked out unsure of their grade and wondering if they had included enough information in their answers. When asked by Sheryl and Carrie how he felt he had done, David replied that he had gotten an “A” and guess what, he had. The girls got A’s too, but the difference was in how he felt and talked about his abilities.

How do you increase yourself confidence?

1. Study and prepare yourself. This will decrease your fear. Next, get comfortable with feeling some fear and uncomfortableness. It’s a part of the process. Valorie Burton, life coach and author of “Get Unstuck, Be Unstoppable” says, “…[you are] going to feel fear but it doesn’t have to be a stop sign. Most people feel like when they feel fear they have to stop. No, just keep moving forward.”

2. Believe in yourself. Sonia Sotomayor stated in a quote recently featured in a Leadership Tuesdays’ blog that you have got to prove the naysayers wrong who believe that you are not qualified or can’t do the work by believing in yourself and simply doing the work. See her quote here.

3. Don’t expect everyone to like you. So says Reshma Saujani, founder of “Girls Who Code”, you’ve got to become okay with not everyone liking you. It is hard work coming to grips with this, especially for women, and this doesn’t usually happen for women until much later in life. But, the sooner you become comfortable in your own skin, the better off you will be. See Reshma Saujani’s quote here.

To view a video clip from the Demi Lovato song quote above, click here. Lastly, to check out other Leadership Tuesdays features, go here or visit womenatliberty.com.

#LeadershipTuesdays: The Trouble With Needing People To Like You

"Let’s be clear. There’s nothing wrong with being liked. But the desire to be liked is what can get us into trouble. The bitter truth is that no matter how hard you try, there will always be people out there who don’t like you. Learning to be okay with that is hard work, but you’ll like yourself so much more for it."

--Reshma Saujani, Founder and CEO of Girls Who Code and Author, "Women Who Don’t Wait in Line"

Every other Tuesday, WOMEN AT LIBERTY provides Leadership Tuesdays, a platform for a variety of voices and resources to develop, encourage and strengthen women leaders. We all want to be liked, but when you as a mature adult "need" to be liked, you become a slave to other peoples opinions and expectations.

The quote above is from a Forbes Mentoring Moment article by Reshma Saujani entitled, "Why Women Need To Stop Worrying About Being Liked". The quotes beautifully captures the dangers of being beholden to other people's opinions of you. As leaders women must be confident in themselves and who they are. We should all try to be nice and kind to our co-workers and employees. But, there is nothing wrong with being confident and firm. That's does not give anyone an excuse to be rude. You can be direct, pleasant, and firm. It's a skill that you can learn and develop. Read the article and you will definitely gain insight from Reshma Saujani's experiences.

Last week's #LeadershipTuesdays blog was based on a quote from U.S. Supreme Court Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor about believing in yourself and your abilities. To read that quote and blog, click here. For more information on Leadership Tuesdays and WOMEN AT LIBERTY, click here.

#LeadershipTuesdays: You've Got To Believe In Your Abilities...Sonia Sotomayor

"In every position that I've been in, there have been naysayers who don't believe I'm qualified or who don't believe I can do the work. And I feel a special responsibility to prove them wrong."

--Sonia Sotomayor, Associate Supreme Court Justice

Every other Tuesday, WOMEN AT LIBERTY provides Leadership Tuesdays, a platform for a variety of voices and resources to develop, encourage and strengthen women leaders. It's 2016! If you are reading this blog that means you made it! Congratulations! You have been blessed with a blank canvas to begin your 2016 masterpiece.

You may not have all of the paints or colors you want or you may not even know exactly what you want your masterpiece to look like right now, but know this: you have been blessed with opportunity. So, to help you take advantage of this opportunity, check out "Setting New Year Resolutions For Your Career" by Amy Lindgren. This article offers great advice on setting career goals for 2016. Amy is president of a career consulting firm and she has a lot of experience helping clients achieve their career goals. She suggests that you start your planning process with "where you want to be in January 2017" and then create your plan with that goal in mind. Read her article and you will be led through a brief process that will help you begin to identify the short term objectives and tasks you need to accomplish your overall goal.

Well, here's to a great 2016! For more information on Leadership Tuesdays or WOMEN AT LIBERTY, click here. 

Confidence...Roger Staubach

Confidence doesn't come out of nowhere. It's a result of something...hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication. 

--Roger Staubach 

#LeadershipTuesdays: I Can...Wilma Rudolph

"When the sun is shining I can do anything; no mountain is too high, no trouble too difficult to overcome."

Wilma Rudolph (1940-1994), US Olympic-winning Athlete

"My doctors told me I would never walk again. My
mother told me I would. I believed my mother."
--Wilma Rudolph

Every other Tuesday, @womenatliberty provides a platform for a variety of voices and resources to develop, encourage, and strengthen women leaders. Wilma Rudolph was a gold medal-winning athlete for the United States in Track and Field. In the 1960's she was considered the fastest woman in the world. But, if you know her story, you know that she overcame great odds to become one of the greatest athletes of all times.

Wilma Rudolph was born prematurely and at the age of four she contracted polio which left her paralyzed for a time. She eventually walked on her own, but she had to wear a brace. In her tween years, she shed her brace and became active in basketball and track. Defying the early prognosis of her doctors, Wilma Rudolph became a world class athlete in Track and Field winning a bronze medal for the 4x100 relay in 1956 and two gold medals in the 100-meter and 200-meter dash in the 1960 Olympics. As the quote above reflects, Wilma believed she could do anything; her mother, family and coach also believed that she could do anything. Her belief and their support took her to greatness.

Today's Leadership Tuesdays' article, "How The Impostor Syndrome Helps You Find Your True Self" by J. Clara Chan, is about how women specifically deal with self-doubt and how they differ in how they perceive their abilities when they are successful versus how men perceive their own abilities under the same circumstances. Everyone at one time or another deals with that familiar "negative voice" in their head that leads to self-doubt. I'm sure Wilma Rudolph, given her early childhood health challenges, also had to deal with that voice. However she did not believe or give in to that voice. The author of the article says that a healthy amount of self-doubt can lead you to "work harder, learn more, and ultimately become better at the task or skill at hand". And that's what Wilma Rudolph did.

And frankly, that's what we all must do. Speak to that negative voice in your head just like it is speaking to you and say what Wilma Rudolph said, "I can do anything!"

To read today's article, click here. For more information on Leadership Tuesdays or WOMEN AT LIBERTY, click here. 

To learn more about Wilma Rudolph and view a short video on her life, go to: http://www.biography.com/people/wilma-rudolph-9466552

Nona O.
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